Today I was talking with one of my coworkers about how her birthday went. Just asking the normal questions of what she just received as her present from her lovely man and where they went for her birthday meal. And inside of my head I started remembering what I did on mine.
I remember eating at Proper with Sage and spending time with him before he went to work. Lounging around the apartment cleaning up. And texting Shandy. She was still at the hospital and I texted her asking, "Are you still at the hospital." and I got a one worded reply, "Yes." After that I texted her asking if she was doing alright but never got a response back. It wasn't till the next morning in a sleepy daze I got a call from Debbie saying Shandy had passed. A wave of sickness just rushed over me and all I could mutter was no over and over again.
And I don't know if its a selfish thought or not but lately I've just been thinking how am I going to treat every birthday of mine knowing it was Shandy's last day as well. Is there any symbolic life meaning behind it? Should I go to a tarot card reader and find out what it means? Is there any meaning to all this crazy chaos that rules my thoughts about her?
I just wish I had the answers. I wish I knew how I'm going to handle each birthday know it was the last day of hers.
I wish someone would just tell me.
Current Mood: Acoustic Grateful Dead