During the mourning process, there is a time you stop missing the person in a way. I'm currently making a list of things Shandy and I did to each other that made the other mad. I'm making her human again. I'm taking her death off the pedestal and looking at her in a honest manner.
Granted, I still do miss her. The other day during a critique I was talking about a piece that is part of a series called Soul Searcher. The series focuses on her and Jaylen. How I feel like I'm just this floating soul thats lost and I'm searching for the meaning of it all. When I was discussing the symbolism in the piece I broke down. I have no one I can turn to to talk about Shandy the way I knew her. It was the first time in a long while I had a conversation about her and it shocked my system.
It's hard for me to imagine the gift I was presented with by her to be her daughters God Mother. How I still dream of spoiling that little girl! But I never will...in this life time at least.
But, like I said before, I'm making a list to make her human again instead of thinking of her as the perfect person in the world. In a way I still think she is, mostly because we were so alike. She was my carbon copy in way.
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