I don't know how to be happy anymore. Of course there is always that nice, heart racing moment I have every now and then when something just grabs me but, as of late, I've been in a serious funk. First let me tell you why.
She was beautiful, passionate, loving, and my best friend. Shandy, or as I knew her Sprite, me her Raven, is and always will be a soul mate to me. We always knew what the other was going through and when we could make the distance we were there for each other. We were cosmic sisters. In high school our friendship blossomed. We were both apart of Upward Bound, a program for high schoolers in our general area, when we first met. It could be noted that we were on different ends of life's spectrum when we first started to get to know each other. I was just another preppy girl dating the high school football player unaware of what surrounded me and she was going through a goth stage. Meeting her changed all that. We both in our own respected ways became Mother Earth's children. We connected by wanting to change our surroundings by first changing within ourselves. I remember I was always excited to see her at the Upward Bound group meetings so we could just get away from everyone and talk. We would talk about the what had happened in our lives since the last we saw each other, her being on the volleyball team, my involvement in student council, etc. And of course her PNH. It never hit me how serious it was till I saw her take medicine for it. It scared me. And it still scares me even now.
Shandy had PNH, full name Paroxysmal nocturnal hemoglobinuria. She never let it get in the way of her life. She was my hero with her robust strength. When I was first diagnosed with Rheumatic Fever she was there for me and helped me not feel sorry for myself. She taught me that we have this life to live and whenever an obstacle gets in our way we just have to push through it and continue living. Still, I was always amazed how strong she was. Always full of life and shining every time I saw her.
The night of my birthday was the day Shandy and my godchild, Jaelyn Elea, passed away. August 21st, 2010 at 11:40 pm. These are the numbers I will learn to live with, not be haunted by.
So this is my blog for healing. I hope one day I'll think about about her and not shed a tear. Till then, I'm learning to cope with it all. And I don't even think grieving of a loved one's death is learning how to cope with it but more of learning how to walk away with the memories you do have and keep on spreading the good vibes that they would've have wanted you to.
The night of my birthday was the day Shandy and my godchild, Jaelyn Elea, passed away. August 21st, 2010 at 11:40 pm. These are the numbers I will learn to live with, not be haunted by.
So this is my blog for healing. I hope one day I'll think about about her and not shed a tear. Till then, I'm learning to cope with it all. And I don't even think grieving of a loved one's death is learning how to cope with it but more of learning how to walk away with the memories you do have and keep on spreading the good vibes that they would've have wanted you to.
