So, what did my grief evolve into since I've been married? Well, in short, I started appreciating those simple moments when I can't sleep and I run my fingers through Sage's hair. Knowing that I have him by my side and he loves me. Listening to that strong heartbeat of his and realizing that there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him.
It's funny how we grieve differently. I know he lost his grandparents while he was in college and even before, but he isn't an emotional dude. That has been one of the things that really helped me throughout this forever process of missing Shandy. He stables me when I'm at my wits end and can't stop crying after I see a photo of her or something that relates back to her...like superman ice cream.
Sometimes Sage and I can't listen to each others heart beats because it makes mortality more porcelain.
I'm rambling but I need to be all that honesty out there. Life is just so delicate and I've become afraid to take chances like I used to. I miss rafting, I miss hiking (I'm terrified of bears now), and snowboarding. I'm afraid to do things that might take me away from Sage. I don't want him to feel the pain that I feel...
I don't know... Becoming emotionally invested in people hurts towards the end of some life paths but I guess life wouldn't be worth living if we didn't feel some pain along the way. Sage makes me want to enjoy life again.
Here's to my Sprite: Wild Horses
