Tired of it

Sometimes I wish someone would just call and let me vent to them. I'm so tired of holding everything in. I'm tired of trying to reach out to people and they never respond back when I need them the most.

I'm tired of being percieved as strong and people thinking I don't need someone to talk to about my most inner feelings.

At least I knew I had all that in Shandy. But it doesn't matter at this moment, now does it?

Love Poems from God

"It hurts the most when it's someone close..."



I know I'm not a street gangster or anything, but many of the lyrics got me feeling a connection to 2Pac...


2Pac - Hurts the Most

The Moon Was Once A Moth

The moon was once a moth who ran to her lover,
they embraced, and she ultimately passed away
with such a smile everywhere on her body.

Over a period of time, her wings feel to the earth
and sanctified the meadows.
Angels cam and buried the limbs
that touched His mouth.

The moon was once a moth who ran to God,
they entwined.

Now just her luminous soul remains
and we gaze at it
at night.



A poem from the book Love Poems from God

"You were always on my mind..."

So, suffice to say, I'm feeling a little better.  Its strange to think that in a way I haven't really thought of her this past week.  When I did there was this little wave of electricity that went through out my body.  Just reminding me that I can feel it, reminding me that I still have a life to live and to live it.



I've been planning the wedding more in depth lately as well, so my mind has been in a completely different place.  She was one of my bridesmaids and if I didn't have a sister she would've been one of my top choices to be the my maid of honor.  It'll be weird taking that huge life step without her being there to witness it.

And theres people out there that believe that the dead can see us in the afterlife, many people have told me that to make me feel better, but that doesn't comfort me at all because I know it isn't the truth.  She'll just have to wait for all the details when its my turn to find nirvana.

I don't know. I'm sick and in a weird sick mood. Blah.